When a Loved One Dies During Uncertain Times

Losing a loved one is hard enough. Losing a loved one at a time of unprecedented upheaval and limitations may seem overwhelming.  We are sorry if you find yourself in this position, and hope the article below will help your family find ways to meet your mourning needs and honour the person who died while making any necessary adjustments to keep everyone safe.

As you can imagine, not having the opportunity to hold a traditional funeral or memorial service can be very difficult for family and friends who would benefit from gathering and receiving the support of others as they begin the grief journey. Fortunately, there are still ways you can support them.

• Check in with grieving family members and friends often by phone. Invite them to tell you stories about their loved one and share stories of your own. Making personal connections with people who have recently experienced a loss is very beneficial as they begin to adjust to a world without their loved one. In addition, under normal circumstances, grief can be a very isolating experience. It is even more so now, given social distancing guidelines and people choosing to isolate themselves. Staying connected can make all the difference in the world to someone who is grieving.
• Sign the guest book on the funeral home’s website if there is one. Include a fond memory.
• Make a donation in the individual’s name and write a personal note to the family about your donation.
• Send a card and include a handwritten note about a memory you have of the individual or how that individual had an impact on your life.
• Make an offer to have the family or friends of the loved one over for dinner once social distancing is no longer required. Make sure you remember to follow through on your offer, even if it is months from now.
• Offer to have food delivered to their home.
• Fill a jar with memories of the loved one and send it to the family. Family members can read the memories at their leisure and be reminded of special times.
• Send them a recorded video message expressing your condolences, sharing a fond memory and letting them know you're thinking about them.

Alongside the physical pandemic, the novel coronavirus is causing a pandemic of grief. That’s what we’re all feeling right now—grief. Grief is everything we think and feel inside of us whenever our attachments are threatened, harmed, or severed. We experience shock and disbelief. We are anxious, which is a form of fear. We become sad and possibly lonely. We get angry. We feel guilty or regretful. The sum total of all these and any other thoughts and feelings we are experiencing as a result of the coronavirus pandemic is our grief.

If you’re unable to have a funeral, gathering or other service for your loved one, or if it will be delayed, it may be difficult to accept that you will be limited in your ability to invite others to pay their respects and support you in your time of loss. There are, however, some things you can do to practice self-care and stay connected with family and friends while you begin the grief journey.

• Post notice of your loved one’s death on social media and invite your friends and family to post a memory and/or photo.
• Send us cherished family photos and we will create a memory video and coffee table photo book for you, your family and friends to share and enjoy.
• Write a letter about your loved one and memories you have, make copies and mail them out to friends and family. Invite them to reply to you with memories of their own.
• Reach out to family and friends by phone. They’ll enjoy hearing from you and it’s an opportunity for you to share a memory of your loved one and for them to do the same.
• Keep a journal. As you are inspired to do so, write about memories of your loved one and how you are feeling about your grief. Share those memories with others as you are comfortable in doing so.

Yes, in difficult times, we must remember to hope.

What is hope? It’s an expectation of a good that is yet to be. It is an inner knowing that the future holds positive things. It is trust that no matter the current circumstances, the days to come will reveal happiness. It’s forward-looking—yet experienced in the now.

As the coronavirus spreads across North America and our daily lives are transformed, we all must be aware of the need for good mental-health care. Obviously, it’s a stressful time. Families are confined to their homes. School is canceled. Many businesses are closed. Workers are being laid off en masse, causing financial distress. And then there is the illness itself, COVID-19. Will we or someone we love become critically ill or even die? We are all naturally worried about the “what ifs” and “what nexts.”

The youngest among us are not immune to all of this stress. They sense it in the adults around them, and they see it on social media and other sources of information. Their own day-to-day routines have been completely disrupted.

Stress and anxiety about the health and welfare of yourself and loved ones coupled with physical distancing and isolation measures may be affecting your mental health more than you realize. Although many things are out of your control, there are things you can do to stay calm and maintain your mental health. Having a choice, even if the choices are limited or undesirable, gives you some control.  Here are some practical tips for making sure you’re caring for your mental health during this challenging, but temporary time.

Here is an article that explains the discomfort (and grief) so many of us are feeling at this time of pandemic.